Now, where was I ......

I want I want I want. How decidedly unspiritual that sounds. I do want some “things”, material things, things to happen, but what I want now, more than ever, is to rejoin my life, where ever it is when I left it behind, when I put it on hold.

I want to wake up in the morning and shout “I LOVE MY LIFE!” and am reminded of that book by Lynn Grabhorn, "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting".

My monkey mind lays low, sometimes for months and then suddenly I realize it let itself in the back door unseen and has been hypnotizing me with its chatter for a blurred amount of time.

My presence here has been sparse most of this calendar year or longer, my time taken up with some big inner events shifting me in every way possible. I feel tender and vulnerable and changed. I have also been absent fighting a battle I chose to take up over what I perceive as a gross injustice.

How can I let go of obsessing about this injustice that sits under my nose every day? Why can’t my mind and my heart learn once and for all that underneath the injustice I see there is pure justice. I just can’t see it right now. Oh karma, you confuse and torment me sometimes. Is it ultimately about control and how I am railing against not being able to control this outcome? Can I let what I perceive as injustice find its own balance? Damn, it’s hard. On June 22, it can all be told. But will there be any point, then?

My warrioress has been called to drop her sword and shield and to come in peace within myself. I am consciously letting go and trusting. I am not giving up, it is more like I am giving “it” up. And I am certainly not admitting defeat, only that being in a pissing contest with a skunk is not where I want to spend any more of my days.

Now, where was I? I was having virtual coffee on Tuesdays and virtual vermut on Fridays when I wasn’t busy penning a haiku. I silenced myself through Wordless Wednesdays. I was laughing and crying over many, many different things. I was making art and feeding my soul, dancing to Motown music on the radio and cranking open the sun roof. Little things meant a lot and my cynicism was at bay. I know I am not going back, I am going forward with a new bend in my road and my eyes softly focused on my heart and something intangible that knows itself inside.

So... if we were meeting for a vermut today, I would have lots of pictures to show you. There would be the whole St. Patrick’s Day sets of green, from green scrambled eggs

to dogs

and more dogs

a few Super Heroes

a leprechaun at the bowling alley

and a few other funny faces

There was even a green mocha

and unforgettable shoes.

I would show you more colours, like red

and more red

red and yellow

and classic gray

There would be silly signs at the park entrance

we wondered how the people were to ride the see-saw and play tennis if humans were not allowed to walk through or even how they would manage to wake board without breaking the rules.

There would be evidence of dogs breaking the rules.

If we were meeting for vermut I would tell you this year has been a lot about patience

and knowing when to slow down and rest.

We have had spring days where we could go barefoot

then had to quickly change back to full battle gear.

I have made Chakra Tea with Latisha Guthrie, learning a valuable lesson about what I can find in my Homedirt if I look hard enough

and celebrated a birthday or two.

I have weaned myself off the Picnik photo processing site and tweaked many of the photos above over at Picmonkey and although I haven't fully explored the site, I would say is a darned fine (free) replacement for the beloved Picnik.

And then, if you were still with me, I would say let's go over to Kate's to see if she will spot us a glass or two and maybe we could get Bonnie and Blue to sing Row, Row, Row Your Boat with us in English.

Friday Haiku

Is there anything

more joyful than spring in the

northeast? I ask you.

{Virtual Coffee}

Pssst! I'm still here and I'm drinking coffee. So, if we were meeting for coffee today you would ask me where in the heck I've been and I would say I have been in deep counsel with myself and that I am not even part way done yet. I have not been here or at your place unless I stood on the doorstep to drop off a note or to peek in the windows. I have stuck my toe in the FaceBook pond but I haven't gone swimming in a long time. Despite letting the cobwebs accumulate in the corners I have been living and feeling and being present in my life. I have been sitting in circle in the SouLodge and am now sitting in circle with HerbMother.

If we were meeting for coffee today I would tell you these last few weeks have been made up of surprise packages of mail love (thank you Anna Wingfield)

baby-sitting

hunting and finding Christmas trees in March

a last (hopefully) snowstorm

snowball sculptures

and snowball trees

snow dunes

snow angels

snow hearts (this one's for you, Kimmypoo!)

waiting for the maple syrup to run

coffee

smiles

and chuckles

and more coffee

crafting

and more crafting

a March break trip to Ottawa and a stay in a lovely B & B

with fresh slices of apple pie on arrival

a four poster bed

and a fireplace in every room

fancy mirrors in the bathroom

with windows

that came with warnings

beautiful and artful chairs

and radiators that are art in themselves

friends' new puppies

other wildlife waking up

and a pancake mix company with a sense of humour (the French word for "fart" is "pet")

And since I was all talked out, I would say let's go drop in on Amy at her Lucky Number Thirteen because she is talking about daylight savings time and I will admit that I can appreciate the extra light at either end of the day.