Thursday, July 29, 2010

Working in the Negative

This week when I have risen at my usual hour of 5:00 a.m. I have noticed that it is still kind of dark outside. The first sign that the days are, in fact, shortening. May I sigh now? Riley's summer vacation is officially half over. I have a feeling the second half will go faster than the first half and yet when I think back on this last month, it hasn't necessarily sped by. Yes, I have often looked at the calendar and thought, "Egads! Already July ...fill-in-the-blank... Maybe it is because I have done so much with my time, I have travelled, helped a friend prepare to make her move back to the southern hemisphere (hi Sally!), spent some time grieving, and some time digging deep and learning more about me and what we casually or not so casually call "this life". I have also started another group blog with my animal communicator friends. One thing I learned on that journey was that I am not walking this earth alone in my grief.

And yet it's all baby steps.

Tuesday and Wednesday this week were tough, tough days for me and it reflected on my relationship with Riley. Our kids are so receptive, so reflective of who we are at any given moment. At least mine is. My moods affect his moods and well they should. But whenever I dive into a funk, I often surface with quite a bit of guilt. Guilt for being snappish, needy in my own way, unable to give freely, I cocoon.

The shadow side of ourselves is a fascinating study. I don't like spending a lot of time there, but I do visit, take day trips, short breaks where the dark is acknowledged and embraced. It is no mistake that at this time I took up my rusty old Speedball lino cutting tool,

the one I bought for my first year university printmaking class, and started cutting into some of the stock of rubber blocks the Queen of Arts had generously given to me a little while back. Cutting away the background instead of working the foreground was where I needed to be. I, successfully, cut a small heart and a crow shape I have often used in collage.

Another sense of negative space came this morning when Riley pulled a loose tooth. Another dark space, showing promise of new growth.

1 comment:

WrightStuff said...

I think we all find ourselves snapping sometimes. I am like that when I'm tired or feeling under the weather (both this week). Then we make ourselves feel worse by burdening with the guilt. Perhaps we should remember that we are only human! At least we know we are not alone!