Thursday, July 7, 2011

What I Owe

I am wondering tonight, to what do I owe this space, this moment. I have been silent on my blog, finding myself stretched more and more and not being able to scrape enough time together to formulate even a meager post. And then I wonder why that should even matter. I am relishing the sudden burst of good weather, time with my boy. Dreams are still being cogitated, photos still documenting. And a list being made of what is really important to me with what I want to really, really do with my life. I am painfully aware of my fears, of my shortcomings, my weaknesses. Somewhere my strengths lie, waiting to be acknowledged and invited to come out to play. Home life is tumultuous, work life is similar. I have been challenged this week to stand up for myself, all the while feeling out of my body, watching myself speak up and assert, mark my space like an animal, staking out my intellectual territory and justifying decisions made. Transitions, movement, knowing it's all good.

11 comments:

oreneta said...

Bodhi...blogs can wait, sunshine and kids and summer don't. Catch your breath and know we're here waiting to hear from you when you're ready. Hang tough.

Cheryl said...

Sweetie...remember you are exactly where you're supposed to be. I'll be here checking to see whether or not you've resurfaced. In the meantime, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Summer is far too short.

Sherry Smyth said...

Well sweetie, it has always been my experience that when I am going through the most important transitions, the biggest changes (even if they seem like they are small) I tend to get "quiet" and have fewer words to share. It's like being in a cocoon and getting ready to transform and emerge. So on these beautiful days when you have time to spend with family and photographing and documenting, that is what you must do. Blog without obligation. Live your life and evolve through that transition. It IS all good!! ♥

Paula said...

Oh, love that boy and simply delight in him! They grow all too fast and life overwhelms them and us. Just emjoy. Just enjoy. I can't say that enough, being on the "other side" of it all. Trying to regain some blogging momentum myself...after boxes, school, and a "tech break." And, as I sort through hundreds, if not thousands, of photos from my parents' home, I regret the lack of documentation. So many people, so many places that were important to mom and dad, and the stories have been lost. Document away.

Elisa Black said...

I think the previous commenters have left some lovely advice for you. I agree-- take the time you need in this phase that you are in right now, your followers will still be here-- blog without obligation-- you don't "owe" anything. Enjoy the summer and time with your boy, and enjoy the photos and memories you are making together. Hang in there during this challenging time-- it's a cliche, but it helps me: "This, too, shall pass."

Elisa Black said...

P.S. and please don't feel "obligated" to respond to your comments if you're not up to it!

Snap said...

What everyone said!!!!!!!!!!

Kim Mailhot said...

It is all good, Lovely Friend. And you are good. And this one, sweet precious moment, right in front of us, is good. Hold it, breath it, love it, live it in your very own good way. Shine...

I love you.

thecatalanway said...

hello fellow blogger and wolf woman! I totally agree with what everyone else said. and it's summer - time to take a break and allow yourself to JUST BE! We are all here and will be pleased to hear from you when you feel in the mood to communicate. Meanwhile I think of you and send a cross Atlantic wave! PS ONe day soon I will invite you for a virtual vermut again! I also feel a little guilty about not doing it but know that something done from obligation lacks a certain freshness. lots of love and let your wolf follow her instincts K xxx

Teri said...

I'm just starting to read a book that I think will answer some of your questions here about the "fears of". It is called "The Shadow Effect---Illuminating the hidden power of your true self." by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, and Marianne Williamson. The back says: "...have joined together to share their knowledge on one of the most crucial obstacles to happiness we face---the shadow." Check it out. It just might be right for you too. Your "followers" spot is empty. On purpose or?

magpie said...

you've giving us so much by asking these questions and eliciting such wonderful, warm and wise responses.

i can only add my thanks for the questions and yes to all of the above.