Tuesday, August 2, 2011

{Virtual Coffee}

If we were meeting for coffee today I would have a lot to say as I missed out on having coffee with you last Tuesday. I would show you the bowl of latte I had with my friend Tammy,

and tell you that we also ran into another friend who I always see at this cafe no matter what day or time of day I go, who also happens to be a member of the wolf club.

If we were meeting for coffee today I would tell you that I have gone kicking and screaming out of July and into August and that I can hardly believe my beloved July is over.

I would tell you last week I had my second massage with the magical massage therapist, Maria, but when I got dressed that morning I forgot someone else on planet earth was going to see my underwear.

If we were meeting for coffee today I would tell you that I have learned to know when I'm having a hot flash in a heat wave and that is when I am at the office and looking for another layer to peel off whilst everyone else is walking around in sweaters with their teeth chattering. And when I say, "is it just me or is it hot in here?" and everyone says that it's just me.

If we were meeting for coffee today I would show you the levitating crab apple

and then say, "fooled you!"

I love how kids can get so much time and fun out of something simple like a single crab apple. I would tell you that Riley took his first solo trip in the peddle boat this weekend as our delightful house guests had claimed the kayaks. I keep forgetting how much he is growing up and how trustworthy he is.

And then I would tell you about something else that happened on the lake on Sunday, something which made me confront a fear and which I am so grateful for happening. We were out in the canoe with our guests, two adults, two children when one of the children got twitchy and decided to leap out and swim back to our dock. But sixty pounds quickly leaving one side of a heretofore carefully balanced canoe means one thing - capsize. Before anyone knew what was happening it went over and before I had time to be scared I was in the water counting heads. We miraculously managed to pull/push the canoe to shore and emptied it and I might have photos to show of this except that my friend's non-waterproof camera was in her pocket at the time. My inner guidance had made me leave the dog and my own camera back on shore. A big lesson learned for the small fry was exactly why we wear life jackets no-matter-what in any boat (I expect to hear no more griping for some time about this) and I think the same lesson wasn't lost on the adults who had been cautious enough to be wearing them as well. Gratefully there was also sun after the event to help dry things out.

If we were meeting for coffee today I would tell you that there has been some wicked office gossip going on behind backs. I do my best to disassociate from all of this on a regular basis but if there is any truth to it, it has cost the lives of two innocent goldfish and that's where I tend to take it to heart. How interesting that the Brave Girl's message today advised against engaging in any kind of drama so I am going to take that advice and take a few steps back to my usual Switzerland post (which is, in fact, what they call me at work because my reputation is not to engage).

If we were meeting for coffee today I would eventually get around to talking about where my soul searching has led over the last two weeks. What I seem to notice in other people's lives is their support systems and how I lack in that area. Which brings out the victim archetype in me thinking that if only I had so-and-so or so-and-so to help out or take on some of the daily details of raising Riley I would have more time and energy to get my life moving forward and although there is plenty of truth in what I am thinking, there is also plenty of truth in the idea that many things I don't do or get done for my own self is because I am not making choices that would grant me enough importance in my own pecking order. Being a mother has meant making sacrifices I never dreamed would be asked of me, some of these I have given willingly and others I have gone down fighting over. As my birthday approaches I am putting some energy and effort into moving my needs and wants up on my to-do list in the hope that with intentional practice it will become habit. And I would share with you the entry from June 28 on my "Women Who Do Too Much" page-a-day-calendar which reads:

"Some of those we are close to - like children, husbands, pets, and colleagues - experience our being focused as withdrawing from them...not so! Those around us need to learn that they cannot always be the center of our attention and our being focused does not mean that we have abandoned them. Our being focused is not about them. It is about what we are doing."

and ask you if you don't think those words are brilliant too?

I would tell you I finally answered Crow's call.

Oh Crow! This powerful, thrumming bundle was made by the magical Pixie Campbell and arrived in my mail box on a day when I really, really needed to hold it in my hand.

And I would leave you with a picture that makes my own heart thrum, pure joy

and suggest we head over to Amy's Lucky Number 13 to keep this conversation going.


Cheryl said...

I missed you soooo much. I am thrilled you made coffee this morning. I can't even bring cookies along. I agree, August came far too quickly and with birthdays close by, that can only mean brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Kim Mailhot said...

This is a nice juicy post, Kimmy-poo ! So glad the canoe capsize resulted in no physical injuries for anyone. Yes, a good lesson for all.
I love what you wrote about your soul-searching and doing for yourself. Though not a mom, I can only still believe that letting the ones that lean on us know that we have needs as well is a valuable lesson in self-care for all concerned.

Here's hoping there is a reality coffee for us very soon.
Hugs !

redheadreverie said...

I hate when I wear my ugly undies to the massage therapist or the doctor...dang...

Glad the canoe incident ended without harm to anyone, but lessons were definitely learned that day I'm sure.

Thanks for coffee and have a great (cooler) week.

Sherry Smyth said...

A boy on in inner tube...this is the pleasure of life (as noted on his face!). He's growing up and becoming more independent...which is good for both of you. Making time for you and making yourself a priority as well as Riley and your other commitments is excellent...that quote you shared speaks such truth. We teach by example as much as by what we say and in making yourself a priority you allow your son to know that (a) you are a separate individual aside from "mom" only and (b) he'll grow up allowing himself and others to be priorities. It's win win.

As for the capsized canoe!!!!! Lesson reaffirmed for all of us -- anything can happen and being prepared is of the utmost..safety first and that means life jackets always...for everyone. I'm glad everyone was safe!! xo

Aubrey S. said...

So glad that everyone was okay on the lake this weekend!

Jamie said...

Ohhhhhh my! The boat incident sounds scary! I'm thrilled that everyone made it out okay. Life jackets are a must!
Motherhood is definitely a balancing act, isn't it? So many mommies give ALL of themselves and have nothing left at the end of the day. Some mommies are the sad opposite and don't give anything of themselves, and their children are the ones who suffer. It's hard to find a middle ground. I know what you mean about not having a support system. I have AMAZINGLY wonderful friends locally, but no family. So I am on my own to raise my kiddos while my husband is at work. No babysitters if I need to go to the store alone or a break or anything like that. Of course, many women have it even harder, with no hubby even to share the load. I am thankful for my friends who I can at least vent my frustrations to!
I, too, cannot believe July has come to an end! Where did the summer go????

Elisa Black said...

Hi Bodhi! (Can I call you that? Don't want to be obnoxious or rude-- but I love the title of your blog) I linked to your last post today on my virtual coffee post b/c I mentioned Hypnotiq (sp?) which I learned from you. [Still have never tried it] So glad that all of you were wearing life vests during the capsize-- very wise. Glad everyone was ok and appreciated the lesson. Your post really hit home-- as a Mom, I tend to always put the kids first-- even before the hubby-- we always say we're going to go out on a date, but then sthg always comes up. I've been told: "happy Mom, happy family" and I really should heed that advice. I try to sneak in a bit of quilting or sewing when I can, but I really should prioritize and commit the time, for my sanity (and hence, the sanity of those around me). It's an ongoing, reflective battle and balance. I've just recently started a daily gratitude journal-- b/c even though I have so many blessings, I can't/don't always appreciate them. Thanks for posting about your recent struggles. Have a great week!

oreneta said...

Nice nice nice post and a beautiful latte bowl!!!!

Lis said...

Ah, Crow! No wonder we get along ... I have hawk on my altar ... we both want to fly above all the silly muck and stress ...

thank you for sharing that great quote! Prior to becoming a mother I was all about focused attention; it was a difficult transition into diffused focus that parenting requires. And it is hard to explain to one who doesn't need to be that way, how draining it is to always have one's awareness attuned to all that swirls about ... what a relief it can be to turn to just one thing, narrowing the perspective inward ...

I too find it hard to be part of such a spread out world ... I miss the physical closeness of friends/support network like I knew as a child or in college. Even now my friends live 1/2 away and finding time to connect is so hard.

As always, I could sit and talk to you for hours! I too am in mourning for July ...

much love to you my friend ♥ and awareness that your heat flashes are power surges!

xo Lis