Funky

I've been in a kind of a funk the last few days. Seems that the impending holidays brings out the best and the worst in people. My home is a simmering pot of moodiness and gunk. Stirred up with a big wooden spoon. Images of sugar plums are dancing in my head, but a certain sadness prevails. Growing up, our home was always awash in volatile emotions, more so during holidays or special days such as birthdays or mothers day, fathers day etc. and I hate to think my son is being raised in the same kind of environment that is so...well, unnecessary. I've been working in my studio quite regularly thanks to the fact that the early morning alarm has been silent and will be for another (almost) two weeks. And that has helped, has also helped me to clarify what I want to set out as things to work on in the coming year and accomplishments to be grateful for in the past one. I like the change of calendar year. I like reflecting on the opportunities that have passed through my life and how much they have contributed to where I find myself now.

Last weekend Santa told me I looked tired (gee, thanks Santa for the honesty)and I was struck by a certain crone-ness when I realized the last 5 or 6 CDs (almost typed "albums" there) were all greatest hits or best of. That kind of did me in for a few minutes. I have to wonder how I can feel so old yet so vulnerable at the same time.