I have crawled under the flap in SouLodge for the next five weeks, or longer, judging by how long it usually takes me to go around the medicine wheel. It is time to swim down deep in the shadows, stir up the mud, let it blind my vision and ooze between all of my bodies. The form of my grief and shame and regret is that of a blob. It is sticky, black, tar-like and warty with pockets of gaseous and noxious bubbles. It covers my light, hides my smug superiorness. It traps my capabilities, squashes my confidence that everything is going to be alright. I blame it for all of my unhappiness, lack of confidence and lack of faith. I refuse to take responsibility for it. It is an aggressor and I am weak in its presence. I succumb. A victim to it. It numbs me and then I judge silently in my head. A harsher critic has never been known.
Owl came to me this week with messages of deception. Layers to peel back, with the prize of the centre nugget of truth revealed. Hornet and wasp have built my female warrior armour to take each one of these negatives spoken and alchemize them down to their own centre nuggets. It is going to be a long, and very interesting, autumn.
11 comments:
Okay. I'm here if you need a shoulder. Don't worry that I'm burdened already, my shoulder is huge and strong. G*d speed.
This process sounds somewhat frightening but fascinating. Perhaps I should be less gentle with myself and more of a “harsher critic” in order to accomplish changes I wish to make.
May you find your truth(s).
everything in you is worthy of being seen <3
Owl is wise. You are strong. You are loved.
Utmost intriguing picture!!
Can't remember what our Study Group was into, but found notes such as
3rd Law Rule: Moments of inner tranquility -distinguish between essential and non essential. Contemplate and judge our joys, sorrows,actions,words as though they applied to someone else. Confront oneself as stranger. I'm my own judge as to my actions, words, feelings.
Result: grow calmer, self-assured in our actions not bothered by incidents I become my own guide and allow myself less and less to be led by circumstances or led by influences of others. New outlook on life, less anger, less fear. Independence and free will.
Thanks,Kim, for your post. I needed to find these notes for myself.
You are loved...
Your words are moving, disturbing, honest, true and provoke a very clear visual image. I applaud you for them and for how you are going to move through this noxious substance...and I know you -- you will come out from your SouLodge incredibly refreshed, renewed, a little bit wiser and a great deal stronger. Sending you love as you hunker down in the Lodge. xoxo
Your light may seem buried beneath the tar, but it is also protected there in a way, waiting to shine as brightly as the stars. You are a child of light, Beautiful one, and you are meant to shine.
I love you!
Even though I have a number of friends who are Buddhists, I have only seen the word "Bodhi" in one other place, namely The Bodhi Tree, a shop in West Hollywood, when I lived in Los Angeles. This was the first time since then, and I decided to look it up on Wikipedia.
Thanks for the motivation. Nice blog work. I came across your blog while “blog surfing” using the Next Blog button on the Nav Bar located at the top of my blogger.com site. I frequently just travel around looking for other blogs which exist on the Internet, and the various, creative ways in which people express themselves. Thanks for sharing.
Nice article and good photos...........a great blog
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