Remembering

Tenacity

On pictures and words

I have been gone so long, this place feels very unfamiliar to me now.  I have been transmuting and shifting along with my Soul Sisters and the Universe and it's all good.

Have you made any new year's resolutions yet or chosen your word for the coming year?  My only resolution is to invest in some new underwear (you really don't want to ask....)  Last year's words, "No" and "Me" really played out in my life in a strange way which is why I hesitate to say that lately, "Letting Go" keeps coming to me as my theme/mantra for the closing out of 2012 and the welcoming in of 2013.  But it's all good.

And speaking of good, we received a good amount of snow yesterday, breaking a record that held since 1969.

Here is a shot of my sidewalk -

that's it - the giant holes leading horizontally in the shadows.  And behind the sidewalk is the hole my car sat in for most of the day.  Now, you can even see a bit of road beyond the car hole.  But I think I like this shot taken by someone else in the city more

Today the sun is shining and nothing says Day After The Storm more than birds at the feeders

In a short few minutes I counted cardinals, red polls, finches, chickadees, sparrows, wood peckers and nut hatches before the greedy starlings came in to clean out the lot and help the fat squirrels underneath to glean the leavings.

And after the storm I find myself still at a loss for words, where I am to put myself out "there", to share and be seen.  I am finding rich inner layers and my own tribe within myself - my archetypes vying for equal time whilst I navigate this galactic shift and where I sit within it from moment to moment.

At this time last year I was yearning deeply for a tribe and now I can say that I did find an incredible virtual tribe of Soul Sisters as well as a local monthly meditation group, both of which have poured a balm over my open wounds, seen me through, cheered me on and held me in deep prayer as I navigated my waters of change, of my own story.  I feel incredibly blessed.

Resilience

This morning I saw resilience here

and here

and here.

I spent the night up north, opening up the futon sofa and sleeping in front of a fire with my favourite bug.  When we woke it was -3 Celsius.  I needed to see the beauty that gritted its teeth and flowered "anyway" in spite of the temperature's grab to cut it down.  I need to take inspiration from these small, simple flowers and find my own resilience "anyway".  I need to waken that corner of my heart that believes I can flower while external influences grab at it to tamp it out.



Thank you to all who have left comments here the last while.  I have not found the words to respond to many but know that I deeply appreciate your presence and kindness.

Going With The Flow

I have just accepted the fact.  I am no longer in denial.  

I'm not fond of it but I am trying to just be with it.  

Turbo Snail III

Don't ask what happened to I and II.

Random Thoughts and Inspirations

I had a head-slapping moment of "oh yes, me too" reading Lisa's Doorways Traveler blog this morning about being "true, transparent, real and human".  Everything she said was me and what a sense of comfort to know there is someone else in the world who can put words to my experience.  I urge you to go and read it for yourself, it is poetry and her photos are stunning and it made me feel as if everything was going to turn out alright after all.

Then I turned to the Queen of Arts blog and found an excerpt from Mary Oliver's, "When Death Comes" and felt completely gob-smacked.

You see, yesterday I experienced a little miracle and all of a sudden I feel like I am walking on a different planet Earth.

What I am acutely aware of today is that I have line-dried sheets

and a beautiful turquoise bathroom with white, white shower curtains.

I have friends who listen and iced tea that is golden in the sun.

I don't feel silly when I laugh at hearing women's breasts called "ta-tas".

I recently came home with a full moon drum

and had my first Skype conversation with my friend Kate, who helped me iron out my audio (or lack thereof).

Where I live, backyard composting means I put this in my bin

and provide tasty breakfasts, lunches and suppers for these guys

and I'm OK with that.

More often than not I feel a lot like Popeye - I yam who I yam.

and this is my world.

Yikes, Blogger!  What did you do since I last wrote here?  I can't find anything!  It's as if someone came in and moved my furniture around.  Where is my sidebar?  Where are my options?  And I thought I was dropping in to open the windows, brush away some cobwebs, spruce the place up a bit, you know... And now I'm wasting precious time trying to find my "stuff".  First Facebook lets everyone see what news articles I read (honestly, it feels as if someone has walked in on me in the bathroom), now Blogger hides my "stuff".  It's enough to make me crawl back under my rock and hide or move over to wordpress or squarespace, but that would mean I am actually paying more attention over here.  Now, since I'm here, I'll share a few crazy things that have been rocking my world these last few weeks.

First of all, I dropped, and broke, my camera, my little Canon point and shoot and, shoot, I have missed it more than I thought I would.  My Big Girl camera is heavy and hard on my neck and back and so I tend to not take it along in the same way and the camera in my phone is...well...not my point and shoot.  And speaking of shoot, before it broke I discovered the first mint shoots up in my garden

and a stupendous beetle.  

 

I had breakfast with Marge 

and Homer

coached on how to blow bubblegum bubbles.

I scored some soccer shoes

hung out with a moose

despaired about graffiti on our school - spelling, anyone?

I have taken exquisite care of myself, said good-bye to the brother of a dear friend, and to the dog of another dear friend (f*ck you, cancer).  I have felt a little prickly

had a hissy fit or two

washed my hair

and spied on the neighbours.

I ordered two bathing suits online and found they both fit - or fit as well as any bathing suit will on this morphing menopausal body (alas, no photos).   I have purged clutter and paid my taxes, laughed one-sixteenth of the way around the block

slowed down

made peace, if not friends with the bandits

and taken a giant leap into the future, with one big toe still back "here" on the ground.  

I have committed to two adventures these next two weekends which will find me travelling near and far(ther).  

I have been absent, present and changing faster than a chameleon could accommodate his own cammoflage.  And it's all been good and overdue and necessary.

After the flood, the laundry

Yes, the washer is going full tilt today cleaning up what I used to clean up my flooded basement yesterday. It takes a village because I couldn't have done it alone and it's a good thing my village includes the amazing neighbours, Heidi and Glenn, who came running without being asked and took charge.

But before the laundry, more visitors, at 5:00 a.m. this morning.

As there was four of them and not just one and as they were not the least bit fazed by my presence or that of my dog, I took to heart Ted Andrews' words on raccoon medicine. Masks and transformation. Delicious and delightful. Now, back to the laundry.

Top Ten Reasons I Know It's Spring

Number 1: seeing the first pair of white pumps on a fellow female commuter (at least I think she was female)

Number 2: the return of the Bixi

Number 3: seeing an ant traipse across the floor in the bathroom at Starbucks

Number 4: Girl Guide cookies on sale

Number 5: my Crumpler bag is back in use (they make amazing bags - Crumpler.com - but their website used to be a lot more entertaining, this one is the Headaitch)

Number 6: I'm starting to think about what I look like in a bathing suit

Number 7: bike helmets have replaced tuques at the back door

Number 8: I've been told to *Twinkle*

Number 9: I can ignore the garden clean up because of that one tenacious pile of snow that refuses to melt

and the Number 10 reason why I know it's Spring (drum roll.....)

Number 10: I sat on something wet on the bus on the way to work and DIDN'T CARE)

What is telling you that it's Spring?

Pet Peeve of the Week

I've got a good one this week. I wasn't sure I was going to, but it kind of got under my skin yesterday. I'm addressing this to The Splashers out there, you know who you are. I understand your reasons for not sitting down on the seat, and why you choose to perch precariously while holding your clothes out of the line of fire. But my goodness what a mess you leave behind! Would you please, please swipe a bit of paper for the ones who come after you? Because frankly, it's disgusting. Don't get me started on the non-hand washers.

Now that I've got that off my chest I can tell you about the crow-fest we have every morning around 6:30. How many make a murder?

I don't know but I do know that these porkers can sit on a twig and not even bend it. That amazes me, it seems to defy physics. With so darned many in my yard, I had to see what Ted Andrews has to say about the crow's presence in my life. "Unexpected help with problems and obstacles is at hand to bring relief. Your magic is calling and it will be answered". That makes me liken them to Ganesha but somehow I can't see an elephant sitting on a tree top with the same finesse.

How Annoying is This?

Imagine trying to concentrate on ANYTHING while the clothes washer is spinning. Our art studio-slash-laundry room:

Assert my boundaries?

Well, the wildlife keeps nodding at me here in suburbia. I was walking the dog tonight and, rounding a corner was none other than one of those black mammals with the distinctive white stripe down her back. A car coming in the opposite direction started honking and flashing his lights at us, stopped long enough to let us run across the street. My first thoughts were:

1) that's an awfully large squirrel

followed by

2) that's some cat with it's bushy tail up in the air

No photos, drats. But a few words from Ted Andrews' pocket version of Animal Speak on skunks:

"Now is the time to assert your boundaries. Others may be taking advantage. Demand respect and move forward at your speed."

I find it really odd for a skunk to be out and about early March when it has been so effing cold. And I might just take it as an oddity of nature except for Mr. Andrews' take on the barred owl (the gentleman we saw in my last post perched high in my backyard tree) which is, "Spirits are calling. Pay attention to all of the signs. Although small, subtle and quiet, heed that gentle voice of your intuition."

So this skunk was neither small nor subtle. Do I need to set my boundaries? Oh yeah, I've known that for a long time. Moving forward at my own speed is something I often ignore because of fear. Eep! I guess I will consider ourselves lucky to have just been, ahem, warned.

What I'm Not Going to Talk About

What I'm not going to talk about right now is what I was going to post as my pet peeve of the week. I'm not going to mention how I hit the roof last week at the post office, mailing off my OWOH packages. One to Canada at $11.65, the second to the U.S. at $4.95. Same box, same contents, same everything except it costs two and a half times to mail something within my own country than across the border. But I'm not going to talk about that. I'm going to talk about how I had promised to take Riley skiing again today. It's March break here and even though we've had weird melty kind of slushy snow fall from the sky, it was -19 last night which meant waking to cement snow. The sun was shining this morning and it was minus too much with the windchill, but we went anyway. And you know, I felt the same as the last time we skiied. That day I didn't want to go either because it was too cold but I had a great time and I remembered why I like cross country so much. Same for today. If only I had remembered to bring my camera.

Today it was just the two of us. There were a few other people on the trails, ones who were keeping a well kept secret - the conditions were much, much better than I expected and the wind was less in the trees. I noticed the buckets mounted on the maple trees as it's time for the sap to start running.

At the half way mark of our trail there is a cabane where we were going to stop for a drink of water and a granola bar but we found something better - maple syrup on the snow.

A little too sweet for me but the ritual of pouring it out in a line, waiting a couple of minutes for it to freeze, then rolling a popsicle stick over it to pick it up, the syrup mixing with snow crystals...It's a winter ritual here and today almost (almost) made me happy to be living here.

Shots all were taken with my cell phone which were impossible to see with such bright sunshine.

Back at the ranch, we had another guest - a repeat visitor.

Here, look a little closer, we'll zoom in. He's pretty well camouflaged, there is even a branch blocking out his eyes but I would bet my last dollar he was seeing me loud and clear.

He seems to have made himself quite at home in our neighbourhood even though the crows aren't too pleased he has moved in.

How to end this near perfect day? A glass of chilled white wine, a hot bath, a solid sleep after our work out. And I'm not going to talk about the postal rates.