Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Content warning: words like period and mammogram inside

It's only one o'clock and the day hasn't gone quite like I envisioned it. My biennial early morning mammogram was performed by a seasoned technician, but not the angel-incarnate I have seen in the past so needless to say (especially one week before my monthly "visitor") it was rather painful. I know men undergo the indignity of prostate exams but frankly I don't think it compares to taking a breast and squishing it like a pancake between boulders. "Hold your breath they say" - by god if I didn't I would scream and if I wasn't attached to the pancake making machine I would slug someone. "Breathe" they say as the machine releases, I guess in case we are in shock and forget to. Then what was to be my leisurely stroll through Chapters was indecently interrupted by a frantic cell phone call from my cleaning service (I know, it's a luxury and I am very grateful). It seems the dog I usually enclose while they are there had gotten free of the room she was in, and all cleaning procedures were to stop until I came home and locked her up again. Did I want to reschedule? they asked. Hell no! One of the cleaners is terrified of dogs, so I understood, but it was damn inconvenient. This morning was the one time block I had until December 5 to do some Christmas shopping without my son in tow and I had a list of places to hit up before I returned to my clean house. The house really needed the full treatment. Two dogs + shedding + mud season = I leave it to your imagination. I am not a horrible housekeeper and I do clean in between their twice a month visits but sometimes it's near impossible to keep up with the hair. Then there is my day job that gets in the way of that too. And all that sitting on the sofa eating bon bons and watching the soaps. So now the dog was back in her hovel, my one option (without driving all the way back to where I started from) was - collective groan here - Wal-Mart. I try very hard to stay away and usually I can. It is the only place in this city I have found the photo paper for my Canon Selphy printer so sometimes my shadow does grace their doorstep. But I also managed to score a few of those "I-want-that-for-Christmas" things that my subconscious mind has registered while my son watches Discovery Kids (way too many commercials on that channel even though the programming is fabulous). It was amazing how I could walk through the toy aisles and not be inundated with all the crap lining the shelves but instead have "Bakugan" and "Pixos" and "Magnetix" leap off and into my basket. The marketing is that good. I mean, I'm not even watching the television and it was all stored in my brain, complete with the theme songs. I fell short in the Crayola section though, I just couldn't remember whether it was the glow paint or the glow markers that are all the rage, I guess their commercials need some revamping. I didn't entirely succumb to the Wal-Mart hypnotic swing, though. I got out of there with my dignity in tact and realized that a Toys'R'Us was just a few blocks away so I trotted on over there and did some more damage. I did get a few games that are more intelligent including the Pirate Hide and Seek (gotta love those games that require only one player) and Riley's soon to be first Where's Waldo book. So although it wasn't the morning I had worked out in my mind, it worked out in its own way. And it's all good baby!

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