A Bunch Of Completely Unrelated Things

Lately I have been living with this strange dichotomy. I have been feeling the opening of my heart in extraordinary ways; and feeling as if this opening is finally, finally becoming permanent or at least static in a way that means I will never be able to go back to how I was even as short a time as a year ago. And all the while I have been feeling repetitively and deeply hurt by some close to me; as if I have been taking in intentional hurtfulness. Or maybe just recognizing the intention and feeling the hurt. It's a push-pull sensation. Some relationships are meant to be challenging and I am seeing how some of my own are making me grow, become more tolerant and oddly more at peace with my own choices.

Last night as I was having my soak and reading Caroline Myss', "Defy Gravity", I came across this question she proposes asking ourselves each year on our birthday:

"What shall I do this year that will teach me something new about myself?"

I imagine you can ask yourself this question on any day, changing "year" to "week", "month" or leaving it out altogether. This being the month before my milestone birthday, I am asking it frequently.

This morning I spent an obscene amount of time waiting in line at Toys R Us, more time than actually locating the birthday present item in the store itself. When will multimillion dollar conglomerates realize that punishing their patrons by treating them like peons sends them scurrying to the little shops where customer service still is evident? There was one cashier open who also had to work the returns desk. This is normal for the branch of this store near my house. Occasionally on a Saturday the week before Christmas they will open two cashes. Toys R Us - it's time to wake up. If there is anywhere else to get what I need, I have made it a priority to go there instead. Today was a big mistake on my part.

13 is the new 12

Also on the shopping list today was new running shoes for Riley. He's been complaining about his shoes being too tight. Turns out he went from a size 11 at the end of the school year to a hefty 13. I've warned him about growing any more before spring. We had to order - yes, order! his winter boots because they were all sold out and, they are not planning on getting more winter stock. My calendar reads August 10, what does theirs say? How crazy is that? Last week I went into the pharmacy and asked where the sunscreen was. A very nice girl took me to a small display saying, "this is all we have left for the season". Hello? It is still blisteringly sunny here. And while I'm venting, I've been saving this tidbit just for a special occasion. I saw my first back to school ad. Not this week or even last month. I saw the first one at the end of last June. I almost threw something at the TV.

I want to be able to buy flip flops in July and a winter coat in December, dammit!