Tuesday, January 5, 2010


What is your relationship to fear? That's a biggie for me. Back in 2000 something happened that changed me right down to my DNA and whereas I had been a mouse up to that point, I became absolutely fearless. I thought that one of the worse things that could have happened, did. And so what was there left to be afraid of? I stayed that way for about three years, then my son was born and I instantly became afraid of everything again. How fragile it all seemed when I looked at him, held him close.

I'm happy to say I'm finding more of a balance with my own relationship with fear these days. I had to laugh when I saw this post by Pen on her blog. She put it so succinctly. I'm going to use it as my own springboard to laugh in its face. Once I get the courage, that is.


Kim Mailhot said...

I read that note to fear by Pen too ! Made me laugh - perfect language to use with that monster. I have felt fear slowly creeping back in in the last few months, more than I am comfortable with anyway. To me it is a signal that I am not being true to my Soul. I was completely paralyzed by that Bastard not so long ago and when I started really listening to what I needed and was living in the moment more, the fear went away...mostly. Time to banish that bane again, I think. Time to be present in my life instead of in my head.
I think it is so cool how when an issue starts rearing its head, the universe kicks in and sends you messages and friends to help you face it.
I hope you have a fear-less day, lovely Friend. Wish I was there so we could do coffee and chat again...let's make it soon...

Snap said...

The first step is to recognize fear. Then to embrace (be mindful) it and then to release it -- send it on its way ... easier said than done. Read an article in one of my *older* Buddhist magazines recently (yesterday??!!) on just this type of *thing*.

oreneta said...

I don't scare easily to start with, partially because I have always done sports that require a certain amount of control of fear and I guess some is genetic/a function of character.

That said, I have certainly found myself in fearful situations, both on land by accident, and at sea. Some of them I have some control over, and some no. I have also had to teach my kids how to handle fear when we lived on the boat. We had times that were fearful, and we had to teach them to handle it again when we moved here. Nothing like going to school where you know not one child, nor the language.

Handling fear. Laugh in it's face, avoid it's eye and plow onwards irrespective. I find when I am awake at night, I have to come up with a solution for managing the situation that makes me fearful. Decide if the fear is warranted or not, if not...ignore it. If the cost benifit doesn't weigh out, get out of the situation. That said, I was more fearful when the kids were small....I figured that was mamabear instincts kicking in.

I figure fear is a normal reaction that warns us that we need to pay attention. But we then need to engage our brains and make decisions about the fear and trick ourselves out of feeling it if it doesn't bear.

OMG I am writing soooooo much. Here's an example. We were anchored one time in a protected and sheltered bay in Florida one June. Tornado warnings abounded and there were thunderstorms all around us. All over Florida in fact. We were on a sailboat, there were no buildings on shore. Then a storm hit overhead with lightning slamming into the water around us. It was, truly, one of the scariest moments of my life. We sat in the safest part of the boat (that being a relative term) with our two small children. The man had a book, and I got out a new story and read aloud. Periodically one of the girls would say that they were afraid. We would respond that we were also afraid, we would explain that we had done all we could to make ourselves safe and there was nothing we could do. Crying and panic would not help, so we were going to read a story to keep our minds off it. We were all a bit tight jawed, but it was fine. The storm passed, thankfully, and the girls learned a valuable lesson in handling fear. It is also a great touchstone in fearful situations. Nervous about the first day of school?
Will it be as bad as that?
Fine. Then you can handle it.

Not a system I would recommend, but distraction can be a great thing.

I am soooo running off at the mouth, but this is something I guess I have thought about a lot.



sherry ♥ lee said...

I was a timid child, afraid to make a false/wrong move. I lived with an abusive parent. I could never please though I tried..long before I knew that no matter what I did it would not be enough.

I outgrew that and found my courage and my strength to stand up to that bully and to create a better life for my mother, my sister and myself. I knew I could stand up to fear.

Then breast cancer came and we danced an uneasy dance and I called on that courage and that strength and my spirit and beat it to death with a rock...fear? I don't know it anymore. It doesn't own me. The only thing to fear is fear and I know now that I don't.

Keep going...look it in the eye and say "I'm bigger than you" and then hit it with a rock!!! ♥