My friend, Frida

I have an awesome friend who I call "Frida" and she calls me "Frida" too, in recognition of living our lives out loud, in full colour like Frida Kahlo.

She posted a photo on Facebook of a fabulous t-shirt created by Rachel Awes and I jokingly said I wear a size medium.  And the next thing I know, there was a size medium in my mailbox, gifted to me by Frida.

With a lovely little note.

(Pssssst.  Rachel Awes is now over here.)

All she did was listen and kept her heart open.  And gifted me more than a t-shirt, she gifted me renewed hope that I am heard which is especially B-I-G to me as I pray fervently for Fukushima and the healing and survival of all living things on our earth.  Thank you, friend.

Toot! Toot!

I am tooting my own horn here, knowing full well how long it has been since I have posted.  My wonderwoman friend, Roos, is hosting a give away of three of my cookies.  Go over and see her, drop her a line of encouragement and enter her give away.  I urge you to become familiar with her circumstance and realize that it could be you in her shoes, as I was thirteen years ago.  Life is wacky and weird and having cyber support is tremendous.  Like Mother Teresa said, "Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."

Now, where was I going with this...

I started this post a few days ago, right after I finished (in two sittings - both in the bathtub) Anne Lamott's, "Help Thanks Wow; The Three Essential Prayers".

It is no secret that I hang on her every word and my only complaint is that the book is too short.  I always want her words to go on and on.  I particularly resonated with her Fourth Essential Prayer, which I won't give away here because you really should read the book.  Another one of my favourite parts is where she talks about staying safe and comfortable (page 86) - I shook my head, laughed and thought, yeah, that's me and then she makes me want to go out and buy a big box of blackberries because she knows that I am hungry for peace of mind.  See?  You really have to read this book now.

The two weeks we had off was really magical.  We skied four times (!) - what else are you going to do with so much snow? And last night a feather was left anonymously on my keyboard.  As magic does, it appeared out of nowhere.

And don't ya love this little Buddha finger puppet?  

He sits on the top of my Self Love Perfume Stick created and gifted to me by one of my Soul SiStars, the beautiful and talented Anna Wingfield.   She also makes personalized perfumes and gifting myself with a bottle of her magic is on my list of things to do in 2013.

And speaking of magic, I received this Chakra candle set.   Don't you love how it mirrors the gem altar I had set up?

There is plenty of magic in the air here, rich energy that came in with the shifts of 2012.  Like the common thread running through my life illuminated by both my dear friend, Sherry and by squirrel:  "learn by doing, rather than studying".  Thank you Sherry and squirrel, message received.  And Sherry, I would appreciate it if you would stay close; squirrel, I give you permission to, uhm, back off a little.

On pictures and words

I have been gone so long, this place feels very unfamiliar to me now.  I have been transmuting and shifting along with my Soul Sisters and the Universe and it's all good.

Have you made any new year's resolutions yet or chosen your word for the coming year?  My only resolution is to invest in some new underwear (you really don't want to ask....)  Last year's words, "No" and "Me" really played out in my life in a strange way which is why I hesitate to say that lately, "Letting Go" keeps coming to me as my theme/mantra for the closing out of 2012 and the welcoming in of 2013.  But it's all good.

And speaking of good, we received a good amount of snow yesterday, breaking a record that held since 1969.

Here is a shot of my sidewalk -

that's it - the giant holes leading horizontally in the shadows.  And behind the sidewalk is the hole my car sat in for most of the day.  Now, you can even see a bit of road beyond the car hole.  But I think I like this shot taken by someone else in the city more

Today the sun is shining and nothing says Day After The Storm more than birds at the feeders

In a short few minutes I counted cardinals, red polls, finches, chickadees, sparrows, wood peckers and nut hatches before the greedy starlings came in to clean out the lot and help the fat squirrels underneath to glean the leavings.

And after the storm I find myself still at a loss for words, where I am to put myself out "there", to share and be seen.  I am finding rich inner layers and my own tribe within myself - my archetypes vying for equal time whilst I navigate this galactic shift and where I sit within it from moment to moment.

At this time last year I was yearning deeply for a tribe and now I can say that I did find an incredible virtual tribe of Soul Sisters as well as a local monthly meditation group, both of which have poured a balm over my open wounds, seen me through, cheered me on and held me in deep prayer as I navigated my waters of change, of my own story.  I feel incredibly blessed.

The Numinous

Early this year I knew I was seeking community.  I felt a deep desire to spend time with, both in person and virtually, like-minded people on a similar path.  Enter Jane Cunningham.

 I don't remember where it was that I first "met" Jane.  I do remember the first photo I saw of her.  It was a self-portrait taken for Connie's BIG class and you couldn't even really see her face, she was lying down beside one of her paintings.  But her energy leapt off the screen and I knew I wanted to meet her.  It may be that I first crossed paths with her through the amazing Lis Hoffman.  I do know I have been sitting in circle with her under the flap in SouLodge for almost a year and a half.  Jane is real.  She is honest and kind and wise.  She is funny and can swear like a sailor.  She is an Artist, a Mother, a Soul Sista and so much more.  She is also  running an ecourse called Choosing True Over Nice and I can't wait.  Watch this and see how deeply it resonates with you.
Choosing True over Nice - the ecourse. from jane cunningham on Vimeo.

After the flood, the laundry

Yes, the washer is going full tilt today cleaning up what I used to clean up my flooded basement yesterday. It takes a village because I couldn't have done it alone and it's a good thing my village includes the amazing neighbours, Heidi and Glenn, who came running without being asked and took charge.

But before the laundry, more visitors, at 5:00 a.m. this morning.

As there was four of them and not just one and as they were not the least bit fazed by my presence or that of my dog, I took to heart Ted Andrews' words on raccoon medicine. Masks and transformation. Delicious and delightful. Now, back to the laundry.

Artists for Japan

If you have the inkling that you want to do a little something, then I would encourage you to have a look. Here's the link.

A worthy cause

I was alerted to this worthy cause and I'm in. Ophelia is offering collage packs for $25, shipping included, with the money going to a family in need in her neck of the woods. The packs contain dictionary pages, foreign text, vintage ads, tags, ledger pages, painted pages etc. I invite you to trot on over to read more and have a look and see if it's something you would like to support.

Journeying

Ahhhhhh. Retreats. Funny enough my trip to Kripalu did make me retreat into myself. I was never a very social person and going off to a place chock full of people I would have to hob-knob with is very much out of character for me. I love to isolate myself, am happy as a clam all on my own, I crave time by myself and have always been like that. Immersing myself in a crowd of 700 people is the last thing I would do if I was in my right mind.

I had been drawn there to do the first level of a course in animal communication with Penelope Smith. In preparation for the passing of my sweet, old dog, I had read Smith's, "Animals in Spirit" book earlier this year. That book changed my way of thinking about pets and animals by 180 degrees. It was an immediate and never-going-back shift. When I put the book down I felt that I had to meet this woman, had to be in her presence. Things all came together when I found the offering of the first stage of her instruction at Kripalu on the dates when I had extra hands on board for my son and I was off of work. Kripalu is a mere 5 hour drive from where I live, completely do-able. It was a words-cannot-describe experience. Naturally, I met like-minded people, equally excited with similar hopes and shared one of a kind experiences. A room of 20 strangers gathered, opened up, learned and hopefully will go out and share. Oh yeah, there was quite a bit of crying too. And a good share of laughter. This little-big guy, Speed, had a few special words for me, thanks Speed, what you gave to me will stay with me always.

Kripalu is a yoga based retreat center with classes for all levels offered multiple times a day. The days I was there it was hot, especially hot and humid for the mountains and it was flooded with yoginis. Nice people, yoginis. I do yoga regularly in my home, even wake up at an ungodly hour to fit it in, but I felt a bit like a geek in high school. I don't wear the yogini clothes, don't speak the yogini speak. The difference between now and that high school awkwardness is that I was there as a seeker and none of that differentness mattered.

I did take one early morning yoga class. It was full to the brim, we bumped elbows and toes and the whole room smelled like feet. It's kind of hard to find your Om under those circumstances. And I am so very grateful there were no random farters in that class. Every other yoga class I have taken there is always one person who really feels free enough to let go. With no judgment meant to those free and unselfconscious farters. There are even times I wish I felt that kind of personal freedom. I'm just not there yet.

I left only one rock behind, deep in the woods.

And speaking of rocks, I ended my journey with a side trip to the Queen of Arts at her home. I got to see her studio, meet her animals (hi Dave!). Even her garden has royalty.

Ever the graceful Queen, she left a beautiful bouquet of freshly cut flowers from her garden (the blue hydrangeas may or may not have been stolen) in the room where I slept.

Even the kitchen window was be-flowered.

I got a candid silhouette of Cosmo the Cat.

But wait a minute - what is that I see, in her garden?

Let me get closer...

Is it..... is it... a large, unpainted rock?!

A glimpse of what guides me

All my regular readers (including the lurkers) know that the Queen of Arts and I are thick as thieves. I have been creating blog-art with the rocks I get from her. I have left so many behind in my neighborhood, given so many away, offered up countless ones to friends and strangers and yet some have found me again, returned to me, insisted on being with me. They seem to have a life of their own. I have written about many, including "join in" and "be". "build a bridge" has it's own separate story. Here is a shot of a corner by my computer, one of my many altar sites.

I kept "emerge" because I couldn't part with it. The Queen painted me "Forward" by special request after suffering the very painful loss of my 15 year old dog. And from her visit last weekend, enjoying some time up north of my city at my cabin, I chose "give free hugs" from her own bag of blessings (guess who I gave my first free one to!) . My only regret is that I didn't get a shot of the one that said, "Leap" that she left on my fireplace mantle. Here is a shot of two of my favorite people, together in one of my favorite spots.

What do you do to rejuvenate yourself? What keeps you hanging on?

A Life

Have you ever met someone who could love deeply? Someone who could make you feel that whatever emotions were running through you were alright, help you through the particularly challenging ones and get excited about your dreams? Someone who you felt unfaltering support from, who was "there" for you and at the same time living their own life with a zest and intensity that affected every living soul in their midst? I did, just under a year ago. She was a fellow seeker in the six-month e-life coaching class I took with Patti Digh and David Robinson. This week Celeste Martin Rast left her earth life in one quick breath. To say that we, in the class, are all reeling from the news is an understatement and the common thread we are sharing together with our emails is the legacy she left. How incredibly alive she made each of us feel, what an inspiration she was and is by living fully and without regret. She made each and everyone of us feel special and that is a gift.

I was planning a trip to see her in July. She believed enough in a dream I had to help me get lift-off for it, and I was waiting for Riley to finish the school year so I could bring him with me; I knew I just had to meet this incredible woman and I wanted him to feel her energy too. Logically this loss should be overwhelming, should be pushing me down deeper into the quagmire where I have lived the last three months, instead I am lifted, buoyed by the thoughts of how she lived her life. I am thinking that I want and need to aspire to do that too. Because I have seen what it does and there is nothing parallel to it.

One of the exercises in Patti's book, "37 Days, Life is a Verb" and in our e-coaching class, was to write our own obituaries, in a way we want to be remembered. In Celeste's own words, hers read, "She loved intensely, awakened excited each day to see what was ahead, cared deeply, was engaged fully with the person in her presence, and danced as if no one was looking." Indeed.

I am here to say that one person can make a difference. Living by example. Loving intensely. Caring deeply. This is all stuff that has the power to change lives. While my soul weeps for the missed opportunity of meeting her in person, for the absence of her voice, I can't help but feel grateful that I see what her life brought to me and so many, many others.

Can I love so intensely, care so deeply, engage so fully that I make a difference? Oh, I hope so.

Celeste and David Robinson earlier this year:

Can you feel the love?

Earth Day

Today is Earth Day. Can we do a little something extra to take care of our earth? I try to live everyday as earth day, without trying to sound too pompous. But this was something I have wanted to write about for almost a month now. I have written a few posts about my composter. The supposedly squirrel-proof tumble-design backyard composter that my rather hardy squirrels decimated. Well, they decimated the trap door that is essential to its proper function. I recently wrote how the company, Envirocycle Systems sold me a replacement door for around $20. A bargain I thought. It shipped to me pretty quickly but I was dinged at my front door by UPS for an additional $23.24 in customs and duties. A bit of an insult since the door was originally made in Canada but had to be shipped from the United States. Mike, the very attentive and friendly guy who works for Envirocycle Systems, came running to my rescue once again. The story goes that his company paid UPS in advance for customs and duties so that I wouldn't have to pay at my door. So boo on UPS for double-dipping and yay for Envirocycle Systems who sent me this cheque to reimburse me for the extra I paid out to UPS.

I like to champion companies who go the extra mile for their customers. My mind boggles that UPS tried to get away with billing twice for customs and duties and that with business practices like that they stay in business. It is not the first issue I have had with UPS and probably won't be the last. But three cheers for Envirocycle Systems!

Thank Someone

It's the end of the weekend. And what a weekend. Riley and I were graced with a visit by none other than the Queen of Arts herself. We spent two full days yakking, browsing some art supply stores and playing with paint. Fun, fun, fun. She showered us with goodies and some of her rocks. She so very generously gave me a 24 box of Inktense pencils we had both oohed and ahed over. In honor of her self Riley and I left this rock down by the water this morning where we found ourselves with our dogs after she got on the road for the long drive back to New Hampshire.

Thank you, Kim for your generosity, your time, helping me to see my creative spark may not have taken a permanent hike and for encouraging me with my new projects. Thanks for the open talk, the shared tears and for tolerating my cooking once again. At least this time I didn't burn anything. I am proud to call you my friend.

Ethics Anyone?

I love a happy ending and a company with good consumer ethics. We have a whole collection of the books put out by the Klutz company, and love them all. A few years ago I bought Riley this book called Rescue Trucks:

It's a board book that comes with four mini trucks, inside it has different scenes and roads. One day Riley left the house with his babysitter and those four trucks; they came home without them. On a whim last night I checked Klutz's website to see if they sold the trucks separately and when I didn't see a listing I emailed them. Within minutes I had a reply back, no they didn't sell them separately but they had a few extra sets and would send them to us at no charge. We emailed back and forth a few times, admittedly me gushing with praise for their swift and generous replies and within less than half an hour of my first email it was all fixed. If there are kids on your shopping list for any reason, check out the Klutz/Chicken Socks products. They are creative, fun and very original. We keep going back to our books, they have all been well worth their price. And I especially love how they stand behind their products.

When You Get What You Need

It's been a bit of a rough ride these last weeks, plenty going on that is knocking me off center. But I have received some lovely things in the mail that are pulling me back to where I thrive. The first came from Sheila in England, as my latest Gift of Jewels, Selah's project. The words, Just Be, made my brain slow down and I took it as a message from something bigger than me and my life.

Then right on the heels of that beautiful message, Paula sent me an angel postcard, and even the envelope was art.

Ain't life grand?

Big Heart(s) Walking, A Love Story

I don't remember the first link that brought me to Kim at the Queen of Arts, but I can say she has had a profound effect on my life, creatively and otherwise. I have had the great fortune to meet her in person twice so far and visit her blog often enough that even Riley knew her face and her art before he met her. She is not only the Queen of Arts but she is also known as Big Heart Walking by her family and many friends. Again, a name popular enough that Riley knows her as such as well. So I shouldn't have been surprised by what happened last week on a night when I was feeling so sick, a night that iMan was out working and the dogs had to be walked after supper which meant that Riley had to get dressed up and come with me. He usually does come with me when the weather isn't so wintry and we have some great one-on-one times. As I was dragging myself down the street he stopped to pick up a chunk of snow that was heart shaped and said, "Look Mom, it's like Big Heart Walking". And we started to talk about the Queen of Arts because he had met her the week before and his memory is like a steal trap. He asked me to tell him more about what Big Heart Walking means so I told him he was like a Big Heart Walking too because he is so gentle and kind and thoughtful and because he doesn't say a bad word about anyone, even people who are mean to him. And then we started naming other people we know who are Big Hearts Walking in our life. Later in the walk he found another chunk of heart shaped snow so he put them both in the hood of my coat because he was tired of carrying them around and my hands were full with dog leashes. The next day he asked me to take a picture of the snow chunks so he could send some love to the Queen, because that is the kind of soul he is.

Weekend Update

This weekend was made up of me going to bed at 5:30 yesterday afternoon (in my flannel pajamas, socks and under my down comforter) and waking up at 7:30 this morning - fourteen hours of sleep. I would wager I'm fighting a bug, which is hard to not get when one day your temperature is in the 80's and the next it is 51 degrees. I also managed to spend $186 doing a quick grocery shop this afternoon, that order did not include any coffee and the only meat bought was chicken wings. Everything gets so much more expensive when our Canadian dollar gains value. Makes sense to you too, huh? I am still a little shaky, hoping to wake tomorrow with the energy I usually have so it's another early night. But I didn't want to leave this for another day, or another week as it is already Sunday night.

I received an early birthday present in the mail from Brenda at the Crafty Chook, all the way from Australia (!), one of her angel canvases and Kelly Rae's "Taking Flight" Book. Good heavens - the mother lode!


And from Sara at Locasia, I received some collage material, handmade note cards and CHOCOLATE!!!! This CHOCOLATE intrigues me, I'm not sure if I should eat it as is or if it is meant to go in hot chocolate - there is a picture of a woman on the front enjoying what looks to be a cup of hot chocolate and since Sara lives in Mexico, the writing on the package is only in Spanish. Ah, what the heck, I'm going to try it as is.


I don't fully know what I've done to deserve such spoiling, but I'm very happy to be on the receiving end. One of my life challenges is to learn to accept. Accept all kinds of things but especially gifts from the heart. So thank you Brenda and Sara for helping me to inch my way along this path.

Books Etc.

My apologies to fellow blogger (and friend) Beth over at Books Etc. for the title to this post (consider it a backhand compliment). I had a bit of a hodge podge to write tonight and that was the title that came to mind and rather fitting. Earlier this week Beth mentioned that she had bought, and finished with, the DVDs for Season 1 of "Saving Grace", a television show I had written about back in the spring and highly recommended. She wanted to know if I wanted them. Well, yes! So they arrived in the mail today - thank you Beth, they are all in tact and I promise to not stalk you now I know where you live! It was a very generous gesture followed through with action. And me, the benefactor!

I have also neglected to mention the last three books I have read lately. None of which were knock-me-off-my-feet stuff, but not so bad that I would put them down. All authors are ones I've read a lot of but after finishing book three, it made me feel like I wanted to stop reading fiction for a while, just until something knock-me-off-my-feet does come along. The first was Anita Shreve's, "Testimony", second was Miriam Toews', "The Flying Troutmans" and last Meg Wolitzer's, "The Ten Year Nap". They were all okay and maybe it's just the mood or stage I am in that I couldn't appreciate them more. I don't even really know what I am looking for to knock me off my feet, something that makes me nod my head and think, "yes, oh yes, that is so true to me". I do have a series of books out from the library right now (the name of the author escapes me - Kate Jacobs?) but they are The Friday Night Knitting Club and the follow up book to that and another book by the same author. Has anyone anything to say about any of these? Can anyone vouch for them or the opposite?

Coming home after our trip was like entering the Munsters house. These guys had moved in, eaten all the bread and were fighting over the remote control:


Inside and out, spinning like crazy. Their ugliness fascinates me and being highly allergic to their bites adds that bit of excitement to their co-existence with me. And if I may throw another question out there, WTF is this?!:

It was firmly attached to the window screen in our dining room yesterday morning. We took turns trying to flick it off and all screamed when we were (finally) successful. It was a good two to three inches long and wide and thick. The day before (a particularly trying day) I had made a comment about having everything pass through our lives lately except locusts and that word came to mind when I saw it. I saw another one on the sidewalk today, it was dead, but really - can anyone put a name to it?

And on a happy note, I can say that after four days of internal combustion, Riley woke this morning without a fever and was well enough to create this bit of art, with the help of a grape slushie:

We had walked to the local market for some peaches and tomatoes when we got caught in a downpour. Naturally, we had to take refuge at Wild Willy's, the ice cream shop a block away.

And to add a little more diversity to this post, I am looking for references, online or otherwise, for searching genealogy. I know someone whose father is not listed on her birth certificate but she is trying to find out more about the paternal side of her family. I have the name of the father, a date of his death within a decade, a city and place where he worked, the fact that he also had two sons with another woman but not their names. Does anyone know of sites, addresses or other references that might bear some fruit? She was not adopted, but raised by her single mother, so adoption sites would not be pertinent. Oh yeah, and this all takes place within Canada but international references are also welcome.

Wow, it feels good to have gotten all that off my chest.

Ta-Da!

I was so frazzled last night after getting this "New Do" up, after a day at work (last day before a wee vacation and you know how THAT always goes) followed by a Riley's soccer evening, that I didn't trust myself to even mention this. But now I'm more refreshed after getting up in the night only once with my son and three times with the geriatric english setter I love so dearly, I'm going to attempt to give credit where credit is due.

I found Beth's blogs - one here and the other one here - via another blog I read, perhaps it was the Queen of Arts, I don't really remember. And aside from loving her content, I fell in love with the look of her blogs. So uncluttered, but everything that was there mattered. (An analogy for how I dream my life will be one day.) So being the bold and daring soul I'm growing up to be, I contacted her about helping me make my own blog look better or, rather, more "me". And she responded quickly and eagerly. I sent her some of my own photos, she made a number of banners after collaging the photos and added the words I chose and sent them back, all in just a few days. I don't know if she wants that much advertising since she didn't charge me anything (this did not go unnoticed, Beth and I'll be contacting you about THAT too) but I wanted to publicly thank her for helping me realize an urge that turned into a piece of art that really screams "me". And as much as I liked my last template - with gratitude to Leah for offering lovely and free templates - it wasn't my own art so I think that is why I outgrew it so quickly.

My only bugaboo is the BlogHer ad, I'm not crazy about the way it dominates. I'm looking in to reformatting it but it is possible that in a very short time I've outgrown that too (with all due respect to BlogHer and the way they bring bloggers together and out in the world). But I guess that's the whole point behind an ad, isn't it?

Phew! Have I sufficiently covered my butt?!

Thank you Beth. I'm over the moon!

Mail

I got mail this week, from Sara at Locuasia. She was one of my OWOH winners back in February and I made this little piece for her:



popped it in the mail, but it never arrived. That was two months ago and it drives me nuts that original art got lost in the mail. Anyway, to make a short story really long, I wanted to send her something else even though I could never reproduce the original. We corresponded back and forth a bit and although it seems small in comparison I sent her some ribbon for her ATCs and inchies and other projects she has on the go. She, in turn, sent me some things for my mixed media - such ordinary day-to-day things perhaps but they are from another country and I find them inspiring. Some lotto tickets, bus tickets, pages from an old book, calendar pages, a few little cards that remind me a bit of some tarot and even a toy for Riley. How great is that?! I will put it all to good use.


One of the amazing things about this medium is meeting people who are kind and generous and sharing. My week seems to be full of this and I'm grateful.