Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends. This guy is giving thanks that he is still doing the turkey walk around town. But whether you eat it or not, the relevance is in the joining together of spirit and energy and gratitude. Life is good.

Decisions, Decisions

*e*'s 44th question is, "How do you make decisions?"


Maybe it's quite normal, but I am capable of making big decisions very, very quickly. And then I'll agonize over what to have for dinner. Black gesso, gold Sharpie post paint marker and collage from a handmade collage sheet.

Q43

*e*'s 43rd question - What were you doing this time last year?


This was a phrase that popped into my head when I thought about the question. I really feel as if I was getting ready for so much that has started and happened in my life. The ducks are cut from a handmade collage sheet, and I used my India ink and quill pen for the face writing for the first time. I can see the fuss other people make about this ink, it's quite delicious.

Yesterday I Was a Hero

Every other Thursday afternoon I work in the school library. Naturally, it's the time when Riley's class visits and last year I did the same duty. It has been an opportunity for me to observe him outside of our usual settings and it has been very good for me. Last year I worked with another woman, this year I am going it alone and I have been called upon to do things I hadn't before when I could relax a little and let the other woman with years of experience take care of the trickier tasks while I stuck to the mundane. Yesterday one of the grade 1 boys asked me for a book his friend had taken out previously. He didn't have the title, just a few scanty details such as it was about monsters, maybe Frankenstein and it had something 3-D in it. Often these requests for searches are phrased like, "it has a pink cover and it's about princesses", or "it's a book with scary stories". Not the most salient facts to enter into the computer's search engine. But yesterday I found that book about monsters (293 entries in the search results) and it did have a picture of Frankenstein on the cover and a sticker that said "3-D" for some things that were on the inside. I don't know who was happier, me or Matisse, the boy who had asked for it. He actually came back to the library later that day to thank me. The second class that comes through during my tour of duty is a 4th grade class and there is one boy who is, shall we say - "challenging". In fact he challenges all I say or help him with. And up until yesterday I dreaded seeing him come through the door. But yesterday he was checking out a book about origami and we got to talking about that and the beautiful paper and the kinds of things he made and I saw a whole different side to him, the side that is just another human being excited about his craft, delighting in beauty and thrilled to talk with someone who wanted to hear what he had to say and how he felt. And I did feel like a hero and it felt good.

Friday Haiku

Feeling better now
Goldenseal and ginseng too
I clobbered that cold

Wordless Wednesday

Multiple Choice

It might be this one:



or this one:



but I think it's this one:



the virus that is making me feel like crap today. I was on my way to the bus stop, headed to work this morning when I got that familiar feeling of "uh oh, I think I'm getting a cold". And it snowballed pretty quickly. As soon as the pharmacy opened I ran downstairs and bought a bottle of Cold F-X as it has worked amazingly well in the past. But only if I start taking it within minutes of when the symptoms first appear. Waiting until I got home at the end of the day and then dosing myself would have been too late. I think I have it on the run, I'll know for sure tomorrow. But I'm going with shot number 3, it's the prickly strands with that weird looking nodule on them that feel dastardly familiar.

November So Far, Examining the Dark

At the beginning of this month I made a commitment to myself to examine the dark. Since then I find I have been less affected by the actual shortness of the days. I will admit that as rotten and trying as October was weather-wise, November has been, so far, a pleasant surprise. We have had an extraordinary amount of sun and some warm temperatures but only a degree or two above normal. The last few nights we have had some very hard frosts. And in the morning I find myself noticing the beauty of this:



and this:


and how our soccer field looks like there is a dusting of snow when it's really just frozen dew:


Walking the dogs by the water this morning we noticed that the ducks are still here although they are starting to congregate, as they will, in clumps of hundreds, facing south, assessing the conditions for their upcoming flight. Here is a pair that dared to come close enough to us despite the canine presence:


Since Trish at Buttercup Beret lauded me for my brutal honesty today, I will admit to having eaten an entire 200 gram bag (slightly less than 1/2 pound) of these since the beginning of this month:


This may have contributed to my surprisingly light mood. Or not. But today I wasn't even bothered by Friday the 13th.

Further Chronicles of the Dark: The Saboteur

I have been sitting on this card for almost a week. When I first pulled it from the deck I laughed, then felt kind of devastated.

From a deck of 80 cards, I managed to find this one. According to Caroline Myss, the Saboteur is one of four archetypes we all have in common, the other three being the Child, the Prostitute and the Victim. My Saboteur and my Victim often walk hand in hand. Just when I think I am past much of that behavior, it surfaces and I get to look it boldly in the face. Again. I can look back on my twenties and see how I was so mired in personal discovery-hormonal-reactionary-overdrive and that helps me when I spend time with people of that age. It has given me an insight into the angst that grows from adolescent angst. My thirties were slightly better. Everything calmed down somewhat but the Saboteur would often surface with self destructive feelings and actions of not being good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough (you get the idea). And now being able to look back on my forties I feel as if personal growth has sped up. Conceptually, what used to take me a decade to work through, I feel I can "get" in a couple of years. In theory. Both light and dark attributes are pretty dark to me, the light is described as, "Highlights your fear of self-empowerment and the changes it would bring to your life". I do fear some of the changes, I do want certain guarantees. I'll bargain with the gods and goddesses - give me this but don't take away that. I want to let go of the trapeze and yet the fears are paralyzing. This, in a nutshell, has been my week with the saboteur.

Wordless Wednesday

Four Letter Words

Our Saturday paper had an article entitled, "Doggone it, it's hard to be a non-swearing parent," written by Felix Carroll with the Albany Times Union. This saint and his wife have actually managed to put their swearing on hold around their kids. They admit to using certain language with each other, often in the form of name-calling, but not in front of the kids. I was amazed. My friend Beth at Books etc. has admitted she swears like a sailor and has no intention of stopping. (Love that!) I have tried myself but with little success. Riley automatically knows what words he can or can't say. He was a late talker, well into the age of two, but once he started he had amassed a large and sophisticated vocabulary. In the early years I often fretted over the very real possibility his first word would be the "s" word in front of Grandma (who uses it rather frequently herself I'll add). I am guilty of using not only the "s" word, but the "f" word as well as "g-d". But I don't stop there. I also am known to string them together in very quick sequence such as "g-d" "b" "m-f" and other variations thereof. Tsk, tsk. I hope my son doesn't start swearing like me at any time in his life. Usually I find it inelegant and coarse when someone else is doing it. Not the odd word, but the ones at high volume or the strung together ones. I guess it's time to clean up my act. At least in front of the kids.

That Chickadee Feeling

Recently in Christine Kane's weekly newsletter she listed ways to beat the descending dark days, one of which was to put out your bird feeder. Two days ago I did that as we love to bird watch. Early yesterday morning from the bathroom window Riley saw a black cap chickadee in it already and let me tell you he was so excited. We watched a couple of chickadees come and go for much of the day. It's amazing how something so small can bring so much joy. My sister, a teacher-librarian in the Toronto area has sent us many good books since Riley was born, one of which is called, "That Chickadee Feeling" by Frank Glew. It's a story about finding the thrills in life, small and large and remembering them on a regular basis. Frank Glew is an environmental educator who also wrote a number of other children's books two of which we have and love, "Feed the Good Wolf" which is based on the North American story about good versus evil and, "When I Grow Up I Want to Be Just Like My Dog". I highly recommend them in these holiday shopping days. Books are some of my favorite things to give. This year, I am making my most important gifts (ssssh, I can't tell) and buying a lot on Etsy. I'd like to encourage you to support handmade art. It doesn't have to be expensive, and they are one-of-a-kind gifts. So much to love about that.

New Question and New Card

Earlier this week I did my tag for *e*'s 42nd question, What is your favorite holiday? Well, duh, I do love Christmas in spite of the fact it occurs in the winter. I love how that holiday takes people off of themselves and into the practice of caring for and about others. The presents aren't bad either, but the season brings a kind of quiet and sense of outward peace that I don't feel at other times of the year.


And isn't it funny, my archetype card this morning was The Teacher.

I think it's hilarious that within days I've pulled both Student and Teacher. So the shadow attributes are, "manipulating or abusing students; teaching negative traits and destructive skills". In my past I have taught creative writing and stained glass courses and I often see myself teaching again but I'm not sure what. I don't think we need to be an expert to teach a subject, just have a healthy interest in it and an open spirit of sharing because true teaching is also learning from your students. I think as parents we all assume the role of teacher and personally the shadow side speaks to me about being a better example to my son about how to roll with the punches and, for lack of a better metaphor make more and sweeter lemonade. Some days it's hard because I'm human, but I'm working on that by sitting under my bodhi tree more often.

All that glitters is not gold

And all that is orange is not pumpkins at this time of year. Look at these chinese lanterns I pulled out of someone's trash bin this morning:

Yes I am a garbage picker and proud of it. I'm hoping to enjoy these for a little while then save the seeds. Obviously if a neighbor could grow them, I can too. Black thumb and all, I will see if I can't grow me some orange for next Halloween.

Wordless Wednesday

Don Juanita

The card I pulled from my archetype deck today was Don Juan.

The shadow side of this says, "Using the power of romantic attraction for private agendas". And oh yes, I have. Not recently, not that I am aware of. But frequently in my late teens and twenties, often enough in my early thirties. Much, much less so in my forties. Maybe it's the benefit of age that has tempered that in me. But it has got me thinking about my attitude towards sexism. Do I expect a man to give me his seat on the bus? It's never going to happen, but that might be because of the selfish age we are moving through. I think in those kind of instances such as giving up a seat for someone who might need it more or holding the door open, it comes down to common courtesy.

I do have a bone to pick with the MAN (it must have been a man) who decided to instill daylight savings time on the population. I am just so dang tired these last few days. Turning the clocks back is supposed to give us one more hour of sleep but I ask you, do you know a woman who, in a busy house, is the one who got that extra hour of sleep? Kids don't really respond to it unless they are teenagers. I know it's only an hour but not only am I dragging in energy, I'm hungry all-the-time. There's me visiting the Don Juanita in me.

Dark Days

As promised, I have been contemplating The Dark. It's something I can't pretend isn't happening, can't deny it doesn't affect me in ways I wish I would resist. So instead of trying to ignore it, I'm going to embrace it, explore it and try to scrounge around on the bottom of it. I am just forgetful enough that it's not safe for me to light candles on a regular basis; bringing more physical light into my world is not what I'm looking for this year. I want to use this time to see what The Dark can offer me, what its influence can bring in so that I can stop dreading this season and start using it to see the parts of myself that are often "in the dark". Yesterday I read Robert Munsch's, "The Dark", looking for metaphors. I read it through a couple of times, seeing different things and ending up with a children's story that is a delight to them because the protagonist is a child. Jule-Ann saves the day from the dark. Lovely and yes, I could have read into it that if we let it, The Dark will feed off of the darkness around us and grow until it covers our sky and turns our metaphorical days into nights.

I also dug out my deck of Caroline Myss' Archetype cards, shuffled them and chose this one randomly:

I can relate to this, I do feel like an eternal student, like the light attributes of the card says, "an openness to lifelong learning". I love discovering new things, jumping in with both feet and often taking on more courses than I can logically handle because they all inspire me and I feel like I don't want to miss out. One of the shadow attributes that stuck out for me was, "unwillingness to translate knowledge into action". I wonder, "do I do that?" Do I take my knowledge far enough so that it does transpose into action? Maybe not. Taking so many classes means I short change myself, I don't give myself enough time to work the lessons in different ways, letting mistakes happen without getting thoroughly discouraged by them. I take what I consider to be failures to heart. But I do move on, find more classes to jump into. I think I need to examine my student attitude and see if I can't bring what I learn more fully into my life and my art.

Q41

*e*'s 41st question was, "When you close your eyes and imagine yourself as passionate, giddy, inspired and joyful ...what are you doing/creating in that moment?" I've been following Karen's photoshop tutorials and recently she posted one on blocking and writing in text so I gave it a whirl, then I fiddled a little more with photoshop for a few cool effects. I really would like to find the time to learn this program properly instead of wasting so many hours trying to figure out how some basic things work.

Friday Haiku

Halloween's not done
Yet I've been Christmas shopping
Holidays abound

Halloween

Yup, it's almost here. I am putting the finishing touches on Riley's costume. Last year he wanted to be the chihuahua "Chloe" from the movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua, so I got a white sweat suit, attached some chihuahua ears, added a faux diamond necklace, did some face paint and voila! This year he wants to be "Bolt" from the movie by the same name. I was glad to recycle the white sweat suit, I've just finished changing the ears, he has made the collar and the side lightening bolt. More face paint and voila!

I have nothing against store bought costumes but when I was growing up, they didn't exist. Maybe they existed in other more affluent neighborhoods but in mine all the costumes were home made. I remember my mother usually choosing what I would dress up as, which I can understand now because it meant she would know how to put it together. The one year that really stands out for me was the year she decided I would go as Aunt Jemima. I was horrified at the thought, I don't remember why, but in the end it snowed on the night of the 31st and the costume was adapted into a gypsy one since the black face would have run in the bad weather. I feel now it was my mother's presence in my life that was the important part of the night, as I hope my own son remembers the same one day. The rules of the night are all the same, though. No apples, no unwrapped candy, parents inspection before any eating. We lived in an apartment building until I was 9, so a group of kids in the building would do the rounds from the third floor down to the basement, then my father would take us over to the next building and wait outside for us while we did the rounds then. I was happy to hear the police were at Riley's school yesterday, handing out Unicef boxes and talking about safety. Things like that go down much easier when it's not me talking to him about it. I often wonder just how much of what I say he absorbs - often times somethings I would rather he not absorb. But when he tells me how to keep safe I know he knows.

Chloe (stay tuned for Bolt):

Daylight Saving Time

Here was my sunrise...at 8:05 a.m.!

Yes, it was lovely. But come off it! EIGHT A.M.!!! At the same time I'm not a fan of daylight saving time, even if it means an extra hour of sleep for one night and earlier sunrises. It's the end of the day that it becomes so much more noticeable. Early morning hours are rushing to get out the door, to the school bus, to my own bus that what's the difference if it's light or dark. I want more light at the end of the day, when I'm more active and conscious. Now with November looming - because it does loom in my world - I'm trying to change that all around. I'm going to try to do a "Celebrate Darkness" month. I'm not sure what just yet, but I'm working on it.

Wordless Wednesday

Morning Frost

A few frosty shots from my morning walk. Yesterday's rain turned to snow, then back to rain before it all faded to black. I spent a little time in the shed last night digging out the rock salt and the ecologically green stair de-icer. I braved the cobwebs, glad I only had a flashlight to see around me, but I was grateful because this morning both front and back stairs were a sheet of ice. Yes, it is too soon for all this. I'm hoping next Saturday will be dry and a little milder for all the kiddies out and doing the rounds.

Friday Haiku

It snowed yesterday
Oh yes it did, fat horseflakes
Popsicle moments

Living Large

One of our homework assignments in Patti Digh/David Robinson's LIAV telecoaching class was to do some rock balancing as an exercise to be fully present in our lives. For almost two months now I have looked for the opportunity to do this and it's a lot harder than it looks. My Tuesday morning walk down by the water netted this photo:

And this detail:

Larger than life, three formations of rocks balanced. It wasn't me who did it, but it really threw me for a loop. In September I had sat on the same shore, attempting to balance a handful of small rocks, my best attempt made a pile about two inches high. I didn't see any larger rocks even though they were right under my nose. In the spirit of Patti's writing, and in the spirit of being open, I took this to mean that I need to start thinking large. It's time to let all possibilities in, especially the grandiose and the impossible. I had a very vivid daydream a few weeks ago, something else that knocked me for a loop and I knew it would be a pivotal point in my growth. I need to realize that dream. Over at Beth's place at Be Yourself, she was talking this week about choosing her word for the coming year. Last year my word was "peace", this next year my word is "dream". I am going to dream big.

Wordless Wednesday

Pet Peeve

One of my pet peeves is writing in books. Not when it's my own books, lord knows I notate, comment and doodle in enough of my own. The peeve is when I find it in library books. I picked up "The Making of June," by Annie Ward at the library. I found it while browsing, hadn't heard of it before but it appealed to me and I am really enjoying it. But on page 91 I found this.

And I realized how much it bugs me when other people decide to edit books that aren't their own property. Oh, so smart, they find typos that the original editor missed and correct it IN PEN write right in the book. I don't know why it gets under my skin so much, it just does.

Sweet & Sour

I saw on my calendar that today is the Sweetest Day. I had heard it mentioned at other times but my curiosity led me to google it. Apparently it started in Cleveland in the 1920's by a man handing out candy to the less fortunate and now is celebrated by showing love and appreciation to your friends and family. It's kind of funny it even makes it onto a calendar if you ask me. Before I read that I was thinking it had something to do with the time of year, the harvest, the relativity of the angle of the sun to the equator. And really it is about a box of chocolates. Either way, a good reason to have a mini celebration.

I needed to read that because this week has been kind of rough. On the up side, none of us seem to have yet contracted the swine flu despite dire forecasts by the media. But it was just a bad energy week up here. I ended up working Thursday (to make up for not working on our holiday Monday) and working late. I went in with a bad attitude and I managed to hold my center until the end of the day and then it snowballed.

The previous day Riley came home from school WITHOUT his backpack, which all parents of school age children will realize is a disaster of epic proportions. A search of the school and the school bus turned up nothing. When my son sees his first therapist and that therapist asks him to remember back to the first traumatic experience he can remember, he will undoubtedly recall my reaction to him losing his backpack in first grade. Honestly, why do I so often forget that he is just six years old?

Then, yesterday was a weird little day. I had an early morning coffee with a good friend who I hadn't seen in a while. Important note here, I had a very strong coffee, something I guess I am no longer used to because I jitter bugged through the rest of the day. Right up to 6:00 p.m., I was out of my skin, irritated, unable to complete simple tasks or even a thought. I couldn't even pull supper together which didn't go over too well. I'm blaming it on the coffee. It was so unsettling though, I can't remember being so agitated.

I'd like to suggest that on this Sweetest Day you go out and do a little something to make someones life sweet. Make it a sugar treat, or a mental, emotional, spiritual sweet. One of my classmates in the Life is a Verb class I am taking talked this week about how when she does her groceries, she asks the checkout person what kind of candy bar is their favorite, then she adds one to her order and hands it to the person. I loved that. If we all reached out and touched someone with a small gesture, image how sweet this day would be.



P.S. I love Caramilk.

Wordless Wednesday

Shiver me timbers!

I know I'm not the only one freezing my kishkas off. We had our first frost over night last night. I was glad I didn't need the car before the sun (yes, the long lost sun!) came up and melted it off. We tried to walk down by the water with the dogs this morning but fagg-et-a-bout-it. It was so windy it was miserable, even with multiple layers, mitts and hats. WTF? It's only early October, we are supposed to be visited by an El Nino this year and yet the heat has been on full force, the wool socks out. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to lodge a formal complaint with someone about this kind of thing? It seems most of the northern part of this continent is freezing or has been snowed on already. Too soon, yes. Especially after the dismal season we dared to call summer this year. So here I am, on my country's Thanksgiving night, grousing about the menial. Any only 74 days until Christmas.

38, 39, 40

I can hardly believe that I have caught up with *e*'s weekly questions. Q41 will be asked only this Monday. Here are my tags Q38, Q39 and Q40.

"Gummies, jellies, chocolate, iced coffee, ideas, desires, wishes, hopes and dreams. I'm drinking it all in, digesting it and enjoying every bite." - Scrapbook paper, ink and stamps.


"At first I thought that almost everything brings me job, in some form when I stop and consider it. But much to my own surprise, deep down, my answer was 'my family.'" - Collage, acrylics, glazes, caran d'ache neocolor IIs, watercolor pencils, General's pencil.




"Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years - that there will always be time to..." - Scrapbook paper, masks, stamps and ink.

Retail Therapy

Some say, when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. And with a rainy ped. day ahead of us, Riley and I did just that. He at Build-a-Bear, me at Sears. He getting some new accessories (after a stellar first report card yesterday), me scoring some wool socks for $3.99. Bonus! After leaving the equivalent of one kidney at the vitamin store (I'm a big believer in pumping the immune system during these dark and virus-riddled months), and after leaving the equivalent of another kidney at the grocery store (WTF is up with totals at the cash register?), we are home and shopped out. I did get to wondering in the dairy aisle how far removed from dairy some actual cheese is. I saw cheese, cheese food and cheese food product. What new mutation can they possibly do to extend cheese food product? I shudder to think and yet Riley's taste buds do go orgasmic over such things. Luckily he likes "real" cheese too.

Friday Haiku

This didn't take long, thanks to a couple of swift responses to my blue post.

Friends to the rescue
Got permission to wallow
Pass the chocolate

Blue

I have been feeling kind of blue these last few weeks. My own kind of hibernating, I guess. I've been silent, trying to figure out how to pull myself together. Really at a loss for words, which doesn't happen often to me. I've been blog hopping and not commenting much but I am continually encouraged and inspired by the art, the photos, the ideas and process (praw-cess?!) others are going through. I'll find my voice again soon, I'm hoping to pull a Friday Haiku out of myself somehow someway today.

Wordless Wednesday

Q37

*e*'s 37th' question: What sparks my creativity?

My simple, one word answer - Everything!

Scrapbook embellishments, watercolor pencils, ink.

'Tis The Season

On my morning walk this:


They may have bird brains, but they are smart enough to am-scray N-O-W. It is alway a pleasure to see them return, though.

And on my afternoon walk, I took a few snaps of a tree on our block, the maple tree that never fails to disappoint. Some years the leaves on the trees just seem to turn brown and fall off, but not this tree, ever.

Q36

*e*'s 36th question is, "What do you never want to forget?"

Scrapbook paper and embellishments, ribbon, ink. The back reads:

I never want to forget that everyday is a gift, every moment divine, every wish is heard and, somewhere, all prayers are answered.

Haiku Friday

Scritch, scritch, scratch, rub, rub
My first day wearing wool socks
Yup, fall has arrived

October Calendar Page

I remember now why I chose this for my October page when I was putting it together at the end of last year. The look of "spent", forgotten, all webby and Halloweeny. It's been grim this last week - cold and dark and generally dispiriting. Therefore, my quotes: "Relax and let everything go to hell" (Sol Lewitt) and "Almost always the creative dedicated minority has made the world better" (Martin Luther King Jr.). It was a dark and stormy week, indeed.