Even though he looks angelic and I can talk a blue streak about my boy, he is not perfect. And yesterday, his birthday, was a prime example. First off, he was quite ticked off at me when I only exposed three or four presents before school. Yeah, I let him open them too. Then after school (his) and work (mine) I piled up the other presents I had stored away. He looked a little disappointed, then after opening them all he was really disappointed. Is that all there is? That summed up his attitude and his words. I am going to be brief and say I didn't necessarily handle it like Donna Reed or Florence Henderson. So I slept fitfully, felt awful all day today while he was at school and I was at work. It was worse because it was shades of my own childhood, those things that both scarred me and contributed to who I am today. But not what I wanted my own child to experience as part of his childhood. Tonight I got the chance to talk to him about it. I apologized for acting like an ass and he apologized for acting like one too. And when it was time for bedtime stories, I chose the children's version of "Feed The Good Wolf". I admitted that yesterday I had been feeding my bad wolf and I was sorry for making him feel rotten on his birthday. He admitted he had done the same. And we kissed and made up. Neither of us is perfect but I am glad we can have an honest dialogue about our feelings. That is something I didn't have growing up. And I know I am doing some things differently, hopefully some things right too.
Eating some Nerds tonight, after bath and with yesterday's "crown". God, I love him.
P.S. I was holding out on one big present, waiting for his father to arrive back in town and have a proper celebration with cake. And maybe that was why I over-reacted, part of me was ticked off that he really knew there was more.
October 2017 – Twenty Mantras – 15
1 day ago