Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mother Guilt

I'm feeling just a wee bit guilty and wondering if there has been a little too much hype about mother's day in my son's life this year. Coming out of music class this morning he said he wished his dad was around. I told him that next time he comes home that he'll be here for a long time, the whole summer even. To which he said, "yeah but I wish he was around to help me with tomorrow". I think he's got all kinds of things planned because he keeps bringing up Mother's Day and yes, I might deserve all of it, but I just wish he didn't feel the stress. He brought something home from school on Thursday in a big bag and has hidden it behind this little barricade.

See that piece of green paper taped up on the right side? On it there is a drawing of me, with a line through it from corner to corner - meaning "Mom's not allowed behind the barricade".

His father called tonight and he went off in a corner to whisper into the phone, listening to some prompts, I'm sure. And all day he kept saying to me that tomorrow I get to do whatever I want. I'm afraid he's scared he's going to be left - left behind, left out. I'm not sure what. Why is it so hard for me to accept the adulation, too? Good questions. It amazes me how he can make me laugh so hard and still weep with sadness over the very same subject.

3 comments:

Snap said...

I laughed and sighed with both of your posts (catching up ... baseball game and then a party for new graduate of Rice University). Glad you reviewed the book for me ... it's been on and off *the list* for months now. I got my hair cut 4 weeks ago ... thought I wanted to try something different. Well, I was reminded why I hadn't changed my hairstyle in years ... it worked and was easy. Ah, well. It will grow out. Riley and you are both growing together ... never easy, but always enlightening! :D

Beth said...

Timely post – you’ve captured what motherhood is all about – how when we love them that much, the joy and the tears often combine over who they are, what they do and how they think and feel...
Enjoy the day - and all his surprises!

sherry lee said...

Just seeing Beth's comment and I'm nodding my head in full agreement. Oh yes, motherhood is a mixed bag of emotions!

I'm smiling at all Riley is "up to" and yes, there may be "pressure" for him to handle this but it's not a negative in any way. I love that he has marked the line for mom not to look and he's had his whispered conversation with his dad.

One good thing about his father not being there to "help" him, it allows Riley to just love you and appreciate you and fete you without any one else taking over..it will be "the real deal". Enjoy every minute of it!

Happy Mother's Day!