I never knew how much I would have to bend while being in my role as a mom. We all know about the sacrifices, but who knew they would be never-ending? My son is only six, and only just six so I am pretty new at this. But I'm old enough to be more patient with him than I would have been in my twenties or even my thirties but also old enough to want to be a bit selfish. Sometimes that's a tough combination for us.
This week was kind of turbulent. On my part I've been annoyed, frustrated and quite short of patience. I've noticed during the last year that as Riley changes and grows mentally and emotionally, he needs me to relate differently to him. Now is one of those times. I find myself floundering and self-critical. I check myself regularly for "am I turning into my mother?" syndrome. Riley will act as if I'm not there, as if I am mute. He makes it obvious that he's tired of me telling him what to do. But it's part of my M.O., I have to tell him what to do and since I'm alone in caring for him for the next little stretch of time, he's stuck with me. But one thing I've learned is that if I tweak my approach, accept the fact that he's exercising some of his own independence we usually get back on track pretty swiftly. But holy crap it sucks the life force out of me because I do demand a certain amount of manners and respect. I know I will be making these adjustments for a very long time to come, or I should say I am hopeful I will continue to see that what he needs from me will be changing constantly, at least until he really does, in fact, know more than me. These are the faces I've seen a lot of lately dubbed "Snarl" and "Snarl Revisited":
And here's the face I miss so much:
a peek inside my process
8 hours ago